genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
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So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.