It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I cut my penus on the lid.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.