I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
True strength comes from lack of pants
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD