textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.