Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
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Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
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just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away