Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
