Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We need to get me chipped asap
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