kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
