Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
