I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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