I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
