Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
