Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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