ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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