I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
