I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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