Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
