im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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