In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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