Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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