Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize