she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
