Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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