You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
