her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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