I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
