He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
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Apparently you can coat check a keg.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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