i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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