the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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