I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
