your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
