i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sorry about my life...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
