i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
