My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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