I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
