Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
