I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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