He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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