all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
