i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
