I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
