I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
