I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
