We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
