Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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