We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
