Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
