How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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