We're facebook friends in real life
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
