Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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