Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
