sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
