My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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