he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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