Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
