Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
