We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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