spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
