I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
