I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
