He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
